Liquids!
They’re great, aren’t they? You can drink ‘em, swim in ‘em, use ‘em to get clean, you can even use ‘em to dilute each other.
Amazing!
Furthermore, if you’re a fish or one of a few specific kinds of mammal then you can even live in them.
But what are they? Where do they come from? Who owns the copyright? Why are these nuns so angry?
According to wikipedia, liquids are “a form of matter with a definite volume but no fixed shape. A liquid is made up of tiny vibrating particles of matter, such as atoms and molecules, held together by forces called chemical bonds. Water is, by far, the most common liquid on Earth. Liquid is one of the three classical states of matter (the others being gas and solid). Like a gas, a liquid is able to flow and take the shape of a container. Some liquids resist compression, while others can be compressed. Unlike a gas, a liquid does not disperse to fill every space of a container, and maintains a fairly constant density. A distinctive property of the liquid state is surface tension, leading to wetting phenomena.”
According to me, liquids are “great, aren’t they? You can drink ‘em, swim in ‘em, use ‘em to get clean, you can even use ‘em to dilute each other.”
Liquid is also a form of Drum and Bass. Come, starchildren. Take my hand and rejoice in the ryhthm.
And finally, the third reason why liquids are so great is that our bodies are full of them. Blood, mucus, piss, other stuff – we are quite literally full of it all, as is the planet.
Without liquids, we would all be small piles of dried up stuff that would look a little bit like cat biscuits after they’d been through a cat and then left undiscovered for about 6-8 months. No rehydration would be possible. Imagine all those dead germs, man!
Which brings me onto the sad news of Whitney Houston’s demise. You poor, poor thing Whitney. How sad I am that you have passed away. I was never a huge fan – I cannot lie, her sound was far too slick and pop for one such as I – but anybody who had to endure the penis of Bobby Brown would surely turn to at least some kind of drugs.
Jimmy Saville is said to be delighted as it means that she can now do an edition of “Dead Birds Top Of The Pops” with Kirsty McColl, Etta James and Marc Bolan.
But no matter – her successor has already been selected from the gathered hordes of tearful bambinos. Enjoy, people. Enjoy..
I shall now retire for coffee and a poo.
Love, actually
Johnny Machine – Manchester England’s Most Ardent Dadaist.
x
Word of the day is Poo. P.O.O.
